Par Is a State of Mind

Successfully navigating through life requires that we meet a continuous series of expectations. Society formally refers to these as laws or customs. Our fellow humans expect us to stop at a red light rather than speeding on through. It is customary to pay for our groceries rather than stuffing them into our pants and walking out the door. We learn, with varying degrees of difficulty, that the consequences of disregarding such expectations can have grim implications.

Internally, expectations are essential for keeping us on track to reach our own goals. Experience teaches us whether our expectations are realistic. It’s important to remember, however, that expectations are a form of visualization, not only helping us to complete tasks but also to exceed preconceived limitations. Much like a golfer “sees” his perfect drive rocketing down the middle of the fairway and soaring over an imposing water hazard before he even makes contact with the ball, anticipating success in any pursuit is a positive exercise that trains the mind to overcome obstacles with purpose and ease.

But what about when our expectations are not met? How do we respond when our tee shot dives straight into the drink, taking with it a healthy chunk of sod? What kind of self talk takes over? Do we beat ourselves up? (“I’m a terrible golfer!”) Shift blame? (“This game sucks!”) Find a scapegoat? (“I know I heard a cellphone go off during my backswing!”) Self-medicate? (“Might as well smoke another beer…”) Or do we tee it up again, make adjustments, and try again?

Having flexibility in our expectations is essential to achieving success. Predictability and expectations are cousins, not Siamese twins. For instance, I could not have predicted that this writing on expectations would turn into a Golf Digest mini-essay. Nonetheless, rather than take a mulligan, I will hunker down in my bunker, gauge the distance to the end of this paragraph, select the proper combination of flowery adjectives and blue-collar verbs, study the wind direction for public perception, and drive my point home in the direction of the green, upon which sits a billowing flag, marking the location of a tin cup, into which my perfectly executed shot will plop, miraculously saving par yet again...

NatPul

http://www.hmonthly.com/2010/02/24/enquirer-wins-pulitzer/

Cameron Reclaims Throne - unedited

Jan. 17, Los Angeles -- If this year's Golden Globes revealed any Oscar premonitions, prepare thyself for another titanic helping of James Cameron. The self-proclaimed "King of the World" took the next logical step and created his own planet, unloading not one, but two oratorical dry heaves at the Golden Globes, when Avatar won for Best Picture after he had already bagged the Best Director trophy. So immersed is he in his messianic delusion, that the man is growing out his gray locks, Jesus Christ - style, presumably in time for the Oscars, where he will descend from the cross during an over-blown musical number, declare himself son of Cecil B. DeMille, and start spraying the audience with an Uzi water gun filled with his man seed.

All in all, though, there were some gracious and deserving winners--as well as some surprises--when the Hollywood Foreign Press bestowed its 67th edition of TV and film awards Sunday at the Beverly Hilton. Meryl Streep (Julie & Julia), Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart), Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side), and Robert Downey, Jr. (Sherlock Holmes) took home statues for their work. TV winners included Toni Collette (United States of Tara), Michael C. Hall (Dexter), Alec Baldwin (30 Rock), and Julianna Margulies (The Good Wife).

Ricky Gervais emceed the usually host-less event, which is billed as a night when Hollywood "lets its hair down." Gervais' finest moment occurred when--beer in hand and inebriated glint in his eye--he confessed that he "like[s] a drink as much as the next guy..." After a brief pause, he introduced the next presenter. "Unless the guy is Mel Gibson!"

Other highlights:

* The Governator introducing a clip from best-picture winner "Abidah."

* Mickey Rourke's cowboy hat looking like it was eating his head as he was presenting the Golden Globe for Best Actress in a Drama.

* Jeff Bridges' eloquent acceptance speech, which he capped by thanking his longtime stand-in/stunt double, Loyd Catlett.

* "Glee" beating out "30 Rock" and "The Office" for Best Comedy Series.

* Mo'nique winning for her performance in Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire.

* And finally, James Cameron imploring the crowd of actors and filmmakers to "give it up for yourselves" for being in the business of entertaining the world (in which he still rules as king).

Brittany Murphy: Life, Interrupted

In the name of reestablishing my content flow, I am posting the article I wrote for h Magazine on Brittany Murphy, posted the day after she died.

http://www.hmonthly.com/blog/2009/12/21/brittany-murphy-life-interrupted/

my twitter diary part 1

my first tweet. feels good. 

still thinking about my first tweet. im likin this.

hungry. gonna get a sandwich. maybe go to bk

stopped at red lite. probly shouldnt be tweeting

flipped off guy behind me who honked. jerkoff

guy behind me is a cop

expired tags. im fukt

at drug store. guy in line in front of me has b.o. or is it lady in back of me? wtf

i think i have a pebble in my shoe. but i dont wanna take my shoe off in the middle of the stor to chek. hot chick at 3 oclock

lakers play tonite.

i think the guy from good charlotte just walked past. hate that band

coffee is my fav thing right now

tweeting at another red lite. will i ever learn?

back home. watchin tv. plastic surgery gone bad is pretty cool show

i think im gonna try extenze. not for the increase in size. 

tired. maybe go to bed soon.

cat just threw up.   again

checkin my email now. just spam.

checkin my myspace. more band friend requests.

checkin my facebook. someone gave me a hot poker in the eye. block them.

off to brush teeth, do a #2. ttyl

Rush: Caress of Steele

The Rush Limbaugh phenomenon defies all logic. How does a hate-spewing greaseball pill addict become the marauding muscle of the 'publican party? Like The Blob, any conservative who tries to stand up to this fat fuck gets absorbed--devoured by the gurgling, acidic digestive juices that dominate right-wing radio and Fux News. Hoping to God that Obama fails is Lumpbag's only chance to stay relevant.

When new RNC chair Michael Steele had the temerity to call out Limppaw as an "entertainer" who is "divisive" and "incendiary," the claws came out. Steele was summarily shredded. The next day, Steele retracted his comments, saying  "I realized the words I said wasn't what I was thinking. I was a little inarticulate. There was no attempt on my part to diminish his voice or his leadership."

Steele pretty much hit the ground running in panic mode, or at least with a healthy dose of blatant pandering when he undertook one of the most difficult political tasks in recent memory: how to save the badly stumbling, out-of-touch 'publican party. Even Lamehog himself sees the party as in a "sad-sack state." For his part, Steele wanted to spice up the GOP with urban appeal that was "off the hook" and full of "bling." Within a few days, he had abandoned his promised "hip-hop makeover" in favor of a "12-step program of recovery" for the GOP.

It's not a pretty sight. And that's what makes it so beautiful. In its race to self-destruction, the 'publican party has become a collection of lemmings and moths. The lemmings are the die-hard believers who would run full-speed off a cliff in blind allegiance to the divisive and incendiary commentary that Lobjaw and his ilk unleash. The moths don't know any better. They are trapped in flawed thinking that the harsh porch light they batter themselves against will somehow make the world a better place even as it slowly burns their wings off. 

Go lemmings! Go moths! It looks like natural selection is alive and well in the 21st century.

Bobby Jindal: The New Republican Diversity Pawn

When I first heard Bobby Jindal was delivering the Republican response to Barack Obama's presidential address, I was concerned that Republicans would introduce a compelling presence in their efforts to showcase capable diversity within their party. However, when the Louisiana governor walked to his "X" in front of the camera and began to speak, I was pleasantly underwhelmed.

Initially, I wasn't expecting his performance to be universally panned by Republicans and Democrats alike. After all, I saw the fawning reception Sarah Palin got with her ridiculous coming-out speech at the RNC, so I wouldn't be surprised if Jindal's Mr. Rogers act got similar high marks from the right-wing realm.

Insane. Childish. Disaster. I couldn't have come up with better superlatives myself. For once, what my ears captured was now in sync with what the rest of the country heard. Throughout the Bush II years, 'publicans blindly endorsed anything and everything that emanated from their side of the aisle. But finally, their off-kilter ideological arguments have turned in on themselves.

Some pointers for Mr. Jindal: If you live in Hurricane Katrina country and you're a Republican, be aware of the irony when you criticize the government's mishandling of the crisis. Ineffective bumbling by your own party's previous administration is not an argument for inaction by the current administration. Also, if you live in an area that was adversely affected by a natural disaster (say, I don't know--Hurricane Katrina?), don't criticize a budget item that deals with monitoring volcano activity. It seems short-sighted and hypocritical. Finally, a minor point, don't risk offending insurance companies by referring to yourself as a "pre-existing condition."

At one time, the Emperor's New Clothes (i.e., Republican talking points) were shimmering, gossamer fabrics of luxury. Today we can plainly see the capitalist pigs that were snorting in the mud beneath the platitudes.

For example:

Personal responsibility = every man for himself

At long last, naked power grabs that exploit the free market will finally be tempered by good conscience and a glimmer of fairness. The fact is, a society that is based on capitalist principles will never have a shortage of members who believe their personal liberty is defined by the wanton accumulation of vulgar quantities of wealth. This is, after all, the country that invented food-eating contests. (And speaking of irony: How is it that a Japanese person consistently wins our annual July 4 hot dog-eating contest? Where is our national pride?) In truth, most Americans are inherently kind and benevolent. But for some, chasing the all-mighty dollar is like strapping on beer goggles: They'll screw anything that moves.

Thankfully, an articulate voice has risen above the din. To President Obama, personal responsibility carries with it a populist message. He summed it up with one sound bite that exhibited both tough love and a clear understanding of the integral webbing of individuals that make up a thriving society:

"If you drop out of school, you're not just letting yourself down. You're letting your country down."

It harkens back to "Ask not what your country can do for you..." The jaded O'Reillys may scoff and the fat Limbaughs may pray for failure, but the positive energy - yes, energy - of hope cannot be denied, especially when 2/3 of the country believes in the message.