Par Is a State of Mind

Successfully navigating through life requires that we meet a continuous series of expectations. Society formally refers to these as laws or customs. Our fellow humans expect us to stop at a red light rather than speeding on through. It is customary to pay for our groceries rather than stuffing them into our pants and walking out the door. We learn, with varying degrees of difficulty, that the consequences of disregarding such expectations can have grim implications.

Internally, expectations are essential for keeping us on track to reach our own goals. Experience teaches us whether our expectations are realistic. It’s important to remember, however, that expectations are a form of visualization, not only helping us to complete tasks but also to exceed preconceived limitations. Much like a golfer “sees” his perfect drive rocketing down the middle of the fairway and soaring over an imposing water hazard before he even makes contact with the ball, anticipating success in any pursuit is a positive exercise that trains the mind to overcome obstacles with purpose and ease.

But what about when our expectations are not met? How do we respond when our tee shot dives straight into the drink, taking with it a healthy chunk of sod? What kind of self talk takes over? Do we beat ourselves up? (“I’m a terrible golfer!”) Shift blame? (“This game sucks!”) Find a scapegoat? (“I know I heard a cellphone go off during my backswing!”) Self-medicate? (“Might as well smoke another beer…”) Or do we tee it up again, make adjustments, and try again?

Having flexibility in our expectations is essential to achieving success. Predictability and expectations are cousins, not Siamese twins. For instance, I could not have predicted that this writing on expectations would turn into a Golf Digest mini-essay. Nonetheless, rather than take a mulligan, I will hunker down in my bunker, gauge the distance to the end of this paragraph, select the proper combination of flowery adjectives and blue-collar verbs, study the wind direction for public perception, and drive my point home in the direction of the green, upon which sits a billowing flag, marking the location of a tin cup, into which my perfectly executed shot will plop, miraculously saving par yet again...

Cameron Reclaims Throne - unedited

Jan. 17, Los Angeles -- If this year's Golden Globes revealed any Oscar premonitions, prepare thyself for another titanic helping of James Cameron. The self-proclaimed "King of the World" took the next logical step and created his own planet, unloading not one, but two oratorical dry heaves at the Golden Globes, when Avatar won for Best Picture after he had already bagged the Best Director trophy. So immersed is he in his messianic delusion, that the man is growing out his gray locks, Jesus Christ - style, presumably in time for the Oscars, where he will descend from the cross during an over-blown musical number, declare himself son of Cecil B. DeMille, and start spraying the audience with an Uzi water gun filled with his man seed.

All in all, though, there were some gracious and deserving winners--as well as some surprises--when the Hollywood Foreign Press bestowed its 67th edition of TV and film awards Sunday at the Beverly Hilton. Meryl Streep (Julie & Julia), Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart), Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side), and Robert Downey, Jr. (Sherlock Holmes) took home statues for their work. TV winners included Toni Collette (United States of Tara), Michael C. Hall (Dexter), Alec Baldwin (30 Rock), and Julianna Margulies (The Good Wife).

Ricky Gervais emceed the usually host-less event, which is billed as a night when Hollywood "lets its hair down." Gervais' finest moment occurred when--beer in hand and inebriated glint in his eye--he confessed that he "like[s] a drink as much as the next guy..." After a brief pause, he introduced the next presenter. "Unless the guy is Mel Gibson!"

Other highlights:

* The Governator introducing a clip from best-picture winner "Abidah."

* Mickey Rourke's cowboy hat looking like it was eating his head as he was presenting the Golden Globe for Best Actress in a Drama.

* Jeff Bridges' eloquent acceptance speech, which he capped by thanking his longtime stand-in/stunt double, Loyd Catlett.

* "Glee" beating out "30 Rock" and "The Office" for Best Comedy Series.

* Mo'nique winning for her performance in Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire.

* And finally, James Cameron imploring the crowd of actors and filmmakers to "give it up for yourselves" for being in the business of entertaining the world (in which he still rules as king).

my twitter diary part 1

my first tweet. feels good. 

still thinking about my first tweet. im likin this.

hungry. gonna get a sandwich. maybe go to bk

stopped at red lite. probly shouldnt be tweeting

flipped off guy behind me who honked. jerkoff

guy behind me is a cop

expired tags. im fukt

at drug store. guy in line in front of me has b.o. or is it lady in back of me? wtf

i think i have a pebble in my shoe. but i dont wanna take my shoe off in the middle of the stor to chek. hot chick at 3 oclock

lakers play tonite.

i think the guy from good charlotte just walked past. hate that band

coffee is my fav thing right now

tweeting at another red lite. will i ever learn?

back home. watchin tv. plastic surgery gone bad is pretty cool show

i think im gonna try extenze. not for the increase in size. 

tired. maybe go to bed soon.

cat just threw up.   again

checkin my email now. just spam.

checkin my myspace. more band friend requests.

checkin my facebook. someone gave me a hot poker in the eye. block them.

off to brush teeth, do a #2. ttyl

Rush: Caress of Steele

The Rush Limbaugh phenomenon defies all logic. How does a hate-spewing greaseball pill addict become the marauding muscle of the 'publican party? Like The Blob, any conservative who tries to stand up to this fat fuck gets absorbed--devoured by the gurgling, acidic digestive juices that dominate right-wing radio and Fux News. Hoping to God that Obama fails is Lumpbag's only chance to stay relevant.

When new RNC chair Michael Steele had the temerity to call out Limppaw as an "entertainer" who is "divisive" and "incendiary," the claws came out. Steele was summarily shredded. The next day, Steele retracted his comments, saying  "I realized the words I said wasn't what I was thinking. I was a little inarticulate. There was no attempt on my part to diminish his voice or his leadership."

Steele pretty much hit the ground running in panic mode, or at least with a healthy dose of blatant pandering when he undertook one of the most difficult political tasks in recent memory: how to save the badly stumbling, out-of-touch 'publican party. Even Lamehog himself sees the party as in a "sad-sack state." For his part, Steele wanted to spice up the GOP with urban appeal that was "off the hook" and full of "bling." Within a few days, he had abandoned his promised "hip-hop makeover" in favor of a "12-step program of recovery" for the GOP.

It's not a pretty sight. And that's what makes it so beautiful. In its race to self-destruction, the 'publican party has become a collection of lemmings and moths. The lemmings are the die-hard believers who would run full-speed off a cliff in blind allegiance to the divisive and incendiary commentary that Lobjaw and his ilk unleash. The moths don't know any better. They are trapped in flawed thinking that the harsh porch light they batter themselves against will somehow make the world a better place even as it slowly burns their wings off. 

Go lemmings! Go moths! It looks like natural selection is alive and well in the 21st century.

Bobby Jindal: The New Republican Diversity Pawn

When I first heard Bobby Jindal was delivering the Republican response to Barack Obama's presidential address, I was concerned that Republicans would introduce a compelling presence in their efforts to showcase capable diversity within their party. However, when the Louisiana governor walked to his "X" in front of the camera and began to speak, I was pleasantly underwhelmed.

Initially, I wasn't expecting his performance to be universally panned by Republicans and Democrats alike. After all, I saw the fawning reception Sarah Palin got with her ridiculous coming-out speech at the RNC, so I wouldn't be surprised if Jindal's Mr. Rogers act got similar high marks from the right-wing realm.

Insane. Childish. Disaster. I couldn't have come up with better superlatives myself. For once, what my ears captured was now in sync with what the rest of the country heard. Throughout the Bush II years, 'publicans blindly endorsed anything and everything that emanated from their side of the aisle. But finally, their off-kilter ideological arguments have turned in on themselves.

Some pointers for Mr. Jindal: If you live in Hurricane Katrina country and you're a Republican, be aware of the irony when you criticize the government's mishandling of the crisis. Ineffective bumbling by your own party's previous administration is not an argument for inaction by the current administration. Also, if you live in an area that was adversely affected by a natural disaster (say, I don't know--Hurricane Katrina?), don't criticize a budget item that deals with monitoring volcano activity. It seems short-sighted and hypocritical. Finally, a minor point, don't risk offending insurance companies by referring to yourself as a "pre-existing condition."

At one time, the Emperor's New Clothes (i.e., Republican talking points) were shimmering, gossamer fabrics of luxury. Today we can plainly see the capitalist pigs that were snorting in the mud beneath the platitudes.

For example:

Personal responsibility = every man for himself

At long last, naked power grabs that exploit the free market will finally be tempered by good conscience and a glimmer of fairness. The fact is, a society that is based on capitalist principles will never have a shortage of members who believe their personal liberty is defined by the wanton accumulation of vulgar quantities of wealth. This is, after all, the country that invented food-eating contests. (And speaking of irony: How is it that a Japanese person consistently wins our annual July 4 hot dog-eating contest? Where is our national pride?) In truth, most Americans are inherently kind and benevolent. But for some, chasing the all-mighty dollar is like strapping on beer goggles: They'll screw anything that moves.

Thankfully, an articulate voice has risen above the din. To President Obama, personal responsibility carries with it a populist message. He summed it up with one sound bite that exhibited both tough love and a clear understanding of the integral webbing of individuals that make up a thriving society:

"If you drop out of school, you're not just letting yourself down. You're letting your country down."

It harkens back to "Ask not what your country can do for you..." The jaded O'Reillys may scoff and the fat Limbaughs may pray for failure, but the positive energy - yes, energy - of hope cannot be denied, especially when 2/3 of the country believes in the message.   

That racist New York Post cartoon

The print cartoon, in the hands of the skilled artisan, is social commentary at its most succinct. As a showcase for exposing irony, hypocrisy, or the comical foibles of the human condition, it articulates its message with broad pen strokes and a minimum of tedium.

However, in the puerile hands of the reckless hack, its effectiveness is negated. It's like entrusting a Sharpie marker to a toddler and expecting him to remain ink-free and not poke himself in the eye.

Everything I know about Sean Delonas I learned in the past two days. He's the New York Post Page 6 cartoonist who specializes in right wing - themed "humor," cleverly incorporating homosexuals, minorities and Democrats as the butt of his "jokes." Such a fan is he of his own work, he submitted the same cartoon twice, which the Post dutifully published, in April and June of 2008. Post editors, who evidently stopped reading his cartoons before shuttling them off to press, never seemed to notice. Which may partially explain how his latest freeze frame of trash saw the light of day.

The cartoon attempts to capitalize on two concurrent events in the news: a renegade pet chimp who attacked and nearly killed a woman before being shot by police, and the stimulus bill recently signed by President Obama. (President Obama. I'm starting to love the rhythmic pulse my keyboard makes when tapping out those two words. But I digress.)

When I first saw the cartoon, it struck me as having the crass quality of KKK propaganda. This cartoon would fit right in on a White supremacist site. It's disturbing. It depicts a dead chimp on the sidewalk lying in a pool of its own blood, two bullet holes in its chest. Two cops with guns. And for the big punch line, one says to the other: "They're going to have to get someone else to write the next stimulus bill." Get it? Obama is a black monkey who's just been shot to death! Hahahahaha! Oh. . . That's not it? I've misinterpreted?

Here's the Post's version of a mea culpa, which appeared online on Feb. 20:

"Wednesday's Page Six cartoon - caricaturing Monday's police shooting of a chimpanzee in Connecticut - has created considerable controversy. It shows two police officers standing over the chimp's body: 'They'll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill,' one officer says.

It was meant to mock an ineptly written federal stimulus bill. Period. But it has been taken as something else - as a depiction of President Obama, as a thinly veiled expression of racism. This most certainly was not its intent; to those who were offended by the image, we apologize.

However, there are some in the media and in public life who have had differences with the Post in the past - and they see the incident as an opportunity for payback. To them, no apology is due. Sometimes a cartoon is just a cartoon - even as the opportunists seek to make it something else."

They just couldn't resist that third paragraph, could they? It's like the wisecracking jackass who takes a licking on the schoolyard playground and yells one last insult before running back into the classroom.

There are those on the right who point to the Bush-as-a-monkey left-wing "hypocrisy" that took root over the previous eight years. They miss the point. The monkey Bush stuff draws a clear parallel between W.'s stupidity and the mental acuity of a docile primate. This cartoon doesn't even make sense as juxtaposed satire.

Others try to insert the fine print that those offended by the connection are morons because "Obama didn't write the stimulus bill, you morons." (Quote lifted from comment thread in Vanity Fair online article.) Well, Moron, of course Obama didn't WRITE the stimulus bill. But he is the face of the bill, signed the bill, and is holding press conferences dedicated to it. How does the timeliness of a rampaging chimp even remotely tie in to the stimulus bill if not for the blatant racism it suggests?

Part of the Post's explanation (and this seems like the revisionist strategy a defense attorney might take) that the point behind connecting the two events is that the stimulus bill is so retarded that it could have been written by a monkey. Lying in a pool of its own blood. With two bullets in its chest.

My impression, as of Friday, February 20, 2009, 11:51 a.m. Pacific Time, is that this Delonas guy is toast. There's a difference between freedom of speech and dumb free speech. He is not elevating public discourse. He is doing nothing more than perpetuating outdated stereotypes by conveniently linking two completely unrelated incidents with results that cannot be taken any other way except being patently offensive. If the Post wanted to avoid misinterpretation, they should have considered running their "apology" as a postscript at the bottom of the cartoon when they published it.

It's not funny. It's not clever. All it does is to empower those who think that their "reverse racism" claims have legitimacy just because we have a Black president.

What does a chimp lying in a pool of blood have to do with the stimulus bill? A week ago, I would have said, "Nothing." But today, I stand corrected. It represents -- in spite of the significant leaps we've made in social progress -- just how close we are as a country to our past.

Welcome

Somewhere along the way, the information superhighway turned into a turbulent, ever-changing ocean, the depths of which continue to increase exponentially. Just trying to keep my head above water. Once I get my mental wet suit properly zipped up, look for periodic posts here.